29 January 2007

She's back?

I used to be quite the cyclist. When I was in my early 20's, oh so long ago. There was nothing quite like being on my bike. The freedom of movement, the wind through my hair (that was before helmets) and just the joy of feeling like I was flying. I used to look at every road with the thought of how the bike would feel on it. But then came finals. I was at art/fashion school at the time and our finals were intense and very hands on. I remember pouring over my books and seeing my bike out of the corner of my eye (in the big room), wanting to get on it and ride away. But I knew I needed to focus and I knew that I wouldn't come back if I actually began to ride. Just for a few weeks, I told myself. Leave it for a few weeks. Well, for whatever reason, I never got back on my bike after that. It's not that I didn't go for a jaunt now and then, but it wasn't with the previous passion and dedication.

Somehow one gets out of the habit. Sometimes other things are of more importance or circumstances create obstacles that stand in the way. But then when things settle and there is room to breathe, the ease with which one rides or writes may be lost. Or the belief that one can write or have anything of value (or not) to say may disappear. And the excitement which with one began, may wane. Feeling that this writing is a way to connect with those we love over land and sea, I find it an important habit to build into my life. Plus, it's just good for me to write. So, I push through the resistance and put fingers to the keys. And see what comes out. Trusting that you know me enough to make sense of it all.

It isn't always as easy as just getting back on one's bike...